My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
