Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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