if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Green mimosas i think yes
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
