bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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