I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
