Non-Jews are for practice
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Someone came in the potted fern
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
