3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
