Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
