Quick, to the slutcave!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
