Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
