The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
