I just googled if crying burns calories
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My breasts were aching with rage.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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