nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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