I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I need to calm my uterus...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize