Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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