Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
