I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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