what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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