shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
