no, he came in my armpit
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
