You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
