Sry I called you an 8
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I want to have your abortion
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize