Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize