I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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