I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
