he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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