now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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