The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
