And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I need water and some morals
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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