just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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