I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
