i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
