I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
