At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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