my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
