are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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