Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
