someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You pole danced in your parka.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
