I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
