Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
