I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
