I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
