Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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