Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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