ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
