he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
