I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
