I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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