question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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