So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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