thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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