she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
