We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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