cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Someone shit on the floor
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
