Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
