I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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