i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
