the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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