I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
