No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
