He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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