did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
