Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
jump out the window naked night went bad
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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