Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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