mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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