I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
