I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
