apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
