Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
