I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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