dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
