I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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