my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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