I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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