In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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