Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
