Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Boobs speak an international language.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
