I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
