you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
