the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Quick, to the slutcave!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
