are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
