me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize