my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
