1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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