my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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