Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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