I heard we made out
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Drake has all the answers
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
