So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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