but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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