Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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