I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
