people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
