I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
