if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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