you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize