worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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