Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
