allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
